Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
