That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
