my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
