I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
