why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found puke in my bra..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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