just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
