she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
