so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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