I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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