does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
