Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
