Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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