either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
