You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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