Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize