hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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