I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
