I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
