dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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