tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
