please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
