i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
