Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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