somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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