You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
