he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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