mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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