I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
