she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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