i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
