quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
