I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
