You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
