he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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