Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
