so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
