are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
