she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pants are for mortals
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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