I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
