"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
