im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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