The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
