I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The power of my boobs compel you
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