I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
