We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
