break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
