idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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