just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
