I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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