His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Me. At least after what I've been through.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
