We're facebook friends in real life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
