Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
