The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize