Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
