you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
