he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
