please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
