That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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