His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
