and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
