So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
