goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
