i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
