i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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