so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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