he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
