her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
