Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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