i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
