I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i drank out of a bidet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
