Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
