Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
