Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
