Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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