Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's get the cat blown out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
