i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
