Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
