Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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