There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
