I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
