Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
