I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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