she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
