So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize