i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
